Picture Feature: The Morrall Family at UTA 2019-2020
Covid19 continues to disrupt our routines, and for some people, summer just doesn’t feel the same as usual. July marks the middle of this year, which has not been kind to us in the least! However, there are many things we can look forward to and be grateful for, and that includes spending more time with loved ones.
For many college students, summer is the time when emerging adulthood provides many challenges when returning home. Re-establishing relationships with parents after a small taste of independence can be challenging. Due to school closures in the Spring, some families may have already been experiencing these issues.
Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at the University of South Carolina-Beaufort, describes 6 common paradoxes that explain the concerns of many families and their college students while living together during the break. I will be summarizing this article from the perspective of our Maverick Families. For a direct account from one of our Sociology Professors, please read – Emerging Adulthood: A Perspective from a Parent and Professor at UTA.
1. The paradox of independence or, “Leave me alone and stop treating me like a baby…but I still want mom’s homemade mac and cheese.”
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- Emerging adulthood is not easy, and many times, college-age students find themselves in a world of “in-between.” They may have spent the last few semesters making decisions on their own, and now they have to advocate for themselves at home. Students and their families function better at home when they have conversations about boundaries and respect for privacy. If you feel that you’ve had these conversations in the past, remember that sometimes it’s good to revisit certain topics to encourage and motivate positive relationships.
2. The paradox of change or, “I have changed. I’m not the same person I was before.”
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- The great thing about your parenting is that you have provided your student with the opportunity to explore the world, learn new things they never knew existed, and try new ideas on for size. They are bound to bring changes with them that may be difficult to accept. These can range from small body modification to drastic changes in religion, or lifestyle. Dr. Cohan advises parents to remember that not all changes will stick, and to be curious as to how your child is changing while cutting them some slack while they try on new ideas and identities. If some changes are life-changing and are causing pain in your relationship, please seek out help through advising or family therapy to help mend and maintain a healthy relationship. UTA offers resources for students through the office of Counseling and Psychological Services: https://www.uta.edu/caps/.
3. The paradox of scheduling or, “I need the car. I’m going out and don’t know when I’ll be back.”
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- Of course, living at home will cause some scheduling conflicts, but this is a great opportunity to spark up a conversation about expectations with things such as curfews, sleeping in, work schedules, household chores, car sharing, meals, technology use, and family trips. College students may be emerging adults, but they still need to know how their behavior impacts others. There is no doubt that college changes family dynamics and things may look different for every family – are there siblings? Divorced parents? Single mom/dad? Extended family? Roommates? Whatever the circumstance, this is a great time for family to communicate and learn to work together as a team.
4. The paradox of money or, “Can I borrow some cash?”
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- Money can become an issue in the household as well, especially when parents have an expectation of their students to help provide income for the household. However, it is important to remember that many students have lost jobs and internship opportunities due to the Covid19 outbreak, and many families across the nation are struggling to make ends meet. Volunteering or unpaid internships are still a great way to open doors to future jobs and careers. Parents should strive to be as supportive as possible during these times, and encourage their students to pursue opportunities that will help their future, even if they receive little to no compensation for it at the moment.
5. The paradox of communication or, “Sometimes I need to talk, and sometimes I just don’t want to.”
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- During the college years, it is normal for your student to look for and find new people to consult about their lives – professors, coaches, advisors, counselors, peers, etc. Sometimes it may feel as if the last person they want to talk to is you, their parents. Dr. Cohan encourages parents to listen and support and deeply cultivate this web of connections for your students. Sometimes, there are difficult topics that your student simply does not know how to share with parents, due to shame, nervousness, or fear of disappointment. Some delicate topics may include sexual assault, dating, and marriage, coming out gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, changes in ideology, changes in career, among others.
6. The paradox of rejection or, “I can’t wait to get out of here and go back to college.”
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- If your student is looking forward to going back to college, then that means they have found a place where they are happy and where they feel they belong! This is a reason to celebrate and should not be taken as an affront.
Parents, you have done a tremendous job of raising your student to be independent adults. Pat yourself on the back! It is normal and totally okay for you to be anxious about your student’s return home and their uncertain future. Remember that you raised them, providing them the tools for life, and now it’s your turn to relish on the good job you have done and enjoy the company of this cool new adult you occasionally get to hang out with.
As always, we value the work of our parents and congratulate the sacrifice and meaningful support you provide for your student. We hope you enjoyed this short summary of surviving the break with your student!
Your UTA Parent & Family Team
Note: If you’d like to be featured in our blog, please send an email to parents@uta.edu. We love to hear stories directly from our students, parents, and their families! (Topics may vary by month)